Saturday, November 2, 2024
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Today you will finally watch a film you've been wanting to for ages
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You will have X-ray vision today, but only for inanimate objects. You'll know how many crayons are left in the box, but sadly you'll be unable to satisfy your craving for knowledge about people's skeletons.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will be married for 7 years, but with a tiny man
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will feel compelled to move to Hawaii.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will discover a hidden talent for playing the harmonica with your nose.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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It's said that we are our own past and future. If that's the case, you should be an exceptionally good liar.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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All your dreams will come true today, but none of them will be happy.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You can never please everyone, unless you're a melon, in which case you can please everyone by just being yourself.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Giraffes look dorky but they're actually very dangerous. Keep your distance
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Make sure you take the scenic route today, the earth needs more beauty in it.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will catch your reflection in a shop window and see that you have a spinach leaf stuck in your front tooth. Try to be more mindful of your eating habits.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Time to update your 'list of things to do before you die' list: "wear sunscreen", "don't eat spicy foods", "drink milk", and "have a list of things to do before you die."
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
