Wacky Horoscopes

Auspiciously, your day will be filled with compliments. Your hair looks great today. That said, try to avoid any shrimp.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

At some point today, you will smell cheese. Don't worry, it's normal.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Your refrigerator will develop the ability to spontaneously generate ice cream.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

You will receive a mysterious package containing a talking cactus.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You've accidentally-on-purpose broken a traffic light.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today you have a genuine fear of muffins.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will find yourself inexplicably invited to a soiree

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Your day will turn around if you hug a cactus.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

A friendly dog will have an adventure with you today.

A colorful parrot will interrupt your lunch today with surprising news: your fridge has been sending you secret messages encoded in the food inside it. You will spend the rest of the day attempting to decipher these messages.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

If you don't have anything nice to say to yourself, then don't say anything at all.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Experience saltspray with toppled dominos

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Tuesday, October 22, 2024