Sunday, October 13, 2024
-
Beware a clan of conniving psycho clowns swapping your breakfast cereal with jelly
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
-
Beware of mischievous garden gnomes stealing your left shoes and replacing them with right ones
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
-
Your hair will stand up today.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
-
Do not dwell on past resolutions or failures - consider them permanent setbacks and move on.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
-
A new career as a DJ may be in the cards for you, but only if you're ready to make the leap.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
-
Your company will today shut down for fifteen hours, requiring you to have fun
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
-
A mug will unexpectedly explode today, shedding ceramic shrapnel everywhere. Fortunately, the mess will be easy to clean thanks to your exemplary hygiene.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
-
You will be very popular today. Everyone will want to be your friend.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
-
When the time comes, you will know what to do. Hopefully you'll know it before anyone else.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
-
Today you will find a secret underground society of synchronized sneezers. Join in their harmonious symphony.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
-
Only listen to Leos if they are Australian.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
-
Today you will wake up to discover that all your floors are melting. Wear shoes.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
