Saturday, October 5, 2024
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You will find a four-leaf clover today. Keep it safely amongst your lint and loose change.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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The faculty of Philosophy at Cambridge University awaits your correspondence; consider reaching out to them.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will discover a hidden talent for juggling, but it will only be useful when no one is looking.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Your lucky number is 73 today. Don't ask why, just know that everything happens for a reason, and that reason is 73.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will meet your soulmate today, and they will be covered in hair.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You will overcome your aversion to runny eggs and embrace the joy of yolkiness.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Don't try to fix anything until you know for sure that everyone knows it's broken. Save yourself the trouble and wait for the torrent of angry texts complaining that the internet isn't working.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will find yourself transported to a parallel universe where everyone wears tuxedos
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today you will accidentally send a lewd message to your mentor
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will discover a new definition of the word 'humid' today. Expect to be sweaty, whether you're in an air conditioned home or not.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Don't dwell on the past. You said something stupid? Join the club. We all have. The key is to move on and not let it eat away at you. Unless it was recently. In which case, you're fucked.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today, a part of you will feel the need to take a nap, but you will resist.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar