Thursday, October 3, 2024
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In the world of sarcasm, you will achieve legendary status. Your ability to deliver scathing yet witty remarks with a perfectly straight face will earn you the admiration and fear of those around you.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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The phrase "and that's how you do it" will come in handy today.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You'll think you've found the perfect insult for someone until you realize it's directed at yourself.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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A chance meeting with a stranger will lead you to a profound insight about the nature of, well, anything really. It may not be true, but it's definitely profound.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Brace yourself for an unexpected encounter with a talking plant that offers gardening advice.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Set up some Swedes with your work colleagues.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will have a chance to make a wish come true today. That wish will involve garlic bread.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will be possessed by the spirit of a walrus
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Beware of mischievous garden gnomes stealing your left shoes and replacing them with right ones
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Practice astrology with caution: Analyze the movements of the stars to guide your decisions, but don't rely on them entirely.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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A new career as a DJ may be in the cards for you, but only if you're ready to make the leap.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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A stranger will smile at you today. Don't be afraid to smile back. Not every interaction with a stranger has to be transactional.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar