Saturday, September 28, 2024
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Everyone has a secret admirer. Only some have secret enemies.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today is a good day to think about what you want to do with your life, or at the very least the next hour. Avoid making any sudden decisions as it could have drastic consequences for the space-time continuum.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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A stranger will give you a cryptic message today. Don't try to solve it, it's probably a trap.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Your toaster is officially a masterpiece. It's probably a Leo.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today is a good day to hug yourself, because why should you wait for someone else to do it?
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You've always wanted to be an astronaut, right? Today is the day you start your interstellar archaeology career by beginning to dig for extraterrestrial artifacts. Happy digging!
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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If you're feeling crabby, eat a crab.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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A caterpillar will creep onto your shoulder today while you're outdoors. Don't bother brushing it off; somehow, this caterpillar knows the secrets of the universe, and if you listen closely to its subtle vibrations, you too will understand the meaning of life.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You will accidentally unlock your talents for spontaneous self combustion. Unleash the passion within!
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today you will discover a new appreciation for the smell of torn up newspaper.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You'll have a sudden infatuation with lava lamps. Be careful, it's highly addictive.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will find a lost library book that is overdue by 10 years.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
