Thursday, September 26, 2024
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A group project will collapse under the weight of excessive optimism and poor planning. You will step in to save the day, but expect no gratitude.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your hairdryer will gain the ability to blow bubbles instead of hot air.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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A serendipitous discovery of a hidden map will set you off on a quest for the elusive fountain of youth, where you'll encounter a wise old wizard who will grant you one wish.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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When you meet a new friend today, they will become your emergency contact.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Your weekend's worth of planning has worked out, and you're going to have a great weekend! ...Just as soon as you've gotten over this weekend.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But if you can't find the lemons, just drink the apple juice. It's good too.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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A stranger's dog will unexpectedly lick you today. Don't be alarmed; their owner will quickly apologize and wipe off the slobber. Remember, a dog's tongue is basically a built-in vacuum for germs.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Enjoy some art, whatever form it takes. Only a firsthand experience can make it real.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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If you can read this, you are too close to the television.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will stumble upon a secret underground society of talking squirrels. They have a lot to say.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Let’s just get through today.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Don't go to work! There's a small chance of an alien invasion, and you don't want to be anywhere near the office in the event of an alien takeover.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
