Wacky Horoscopes

You will have a dream tonight that reveals the secret to eternal life. Upon waking, you will forget the secret, but the knowledge will linger in your subconscious, influencing your actions in subtle ways.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will accidentally turn your shower into a chocolate fountain. Indulge in a sweet bathing experience!

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will receive a phone call from a telemarketer who turns out to be your long-lost twin.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Today, you shall embrace your inner child by taking a trip to a playground and partaking in some merry-go-round fun.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Brace yourself for an unexpected encounter with a talking plant that offers gardening advice.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You will be visited by a celebrity chef who will share tropical recipes and culinary secrets with you.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You will receive an unexpected proposal today, and you will be forced to choose between two equally good options. Choose the third option.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You will have an intense dream about wrestling a jellyfish. Upon waking, you will feel a strange sense of confidence, as if you can tackle any challenge that comes your way. Use this newfound courage to face a difficult task you've been avoiding.