Monday, September 16, 2024
-
Your toaster is officially a masterpiece. It's probably a Leo.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
-
Say yes to surprises, they add an exciting element to daily life.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
-
Your bed is haunted, but only when you're alone.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
-
All your friends are laughing behind your back. Kill them.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
-
Decorate a mantelpiece for a beloved French Libra
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
-
If you're feeling anxious today, consider taking some deep breaths and focusing on your breath for a few minutes. There are meditation apps if you need help with this.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
-
There are no shortcuts in life. Except, of course, when it comes to love. That can just go right over your head.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
-
Today you discover a portal to another dimension.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
-
Your daily commute will be disrupted by an escaped parrot today. Don't try to catch it; instead, encourage others to join you in a lunchtime parrot parade.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
-
Today you will eat an entire tub of ice cream and not gain any weight.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
-
Today you will accidentally invent a new dance move that becomes an internet sensation. Embrace your newfound fame.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
-
You will find a rogue cucumber in your grocery bag today. Don't worry, cucumbers have regenerative properties. Take this as a sign to heal your own emotional wounds.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
