Saturday, September 14, 2024
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A mysterious ailment will plague you today, with symptoms including an intense itch and a persistent ringing in your ears. Don't worry, it will all disappear by midnight.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your day will consist of several interruptions, each prompting you to choose between doing a load of laundry or completing a puzzle. You will choose the laundry, resulting in a very clean wardrobe and many unfinished puzzles.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Your partner is feeling snuggly.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Your favourite pen will gain the ability to write poetry when you least expect it.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today you will be called a virgin, but you will know it's a compliment.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Let the bossy people of the world know that you are not to be trifled with. Show them your smile, while making sure to give them a serious and low tone of voice. They'll never forget it.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your toothpaste with mayonnaise.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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In one year today, you will meet the love of your life. It will be an incredible moment!
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today you will decide you don't need to go to work, and will decide to stay at home instead
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today you will be called a virgin, but you will know it's a compliment.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your toothbrush with a tiny broom. Embrace the miniature cleaning experience!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You have previously owned a shellsuit.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
