Friday, September 13, 2024
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Your inability to arrive on time for anything will result in Mother breathing her last breath just as you sit down for brunch.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today you will run through your neighbourhood and count how many Fireballs you encounter
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will be forcefully teleported to a different dimension
21 May – 20 Jun
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You may never know when you will need a big bag of extra-strength deodorant. So just keep one on hand at all times.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Your toaster oven starts cursing tomorrows about its lack of toasting element. Time to invest in a bigger one
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Always remember to drink your ovaltine.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today, you'll find yourself captivated by the intricate patterns formed by spilled coffee on the café table, unraveling a prophetic message for the day ahead.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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A flock of flamingos will provide a sensational and surprising display of synchronized dancing in the park. Take a break from your daily duties to appreciate this rare phenomenon.
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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An unusual cosmic energy will cause an abundance of cacti to appear in your life, which you will need to learn to live with and appreciate, despite the spines and general dryness.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today you will suddenly know everything about accurate fireworks displays
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will have a dream about sponges tonight. Embrace the weirdness of it, and let it inspire you to be more absorbent and soft in your interactions with others.
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Your boat will crash into your house. Don't worry, you don't own a boat... right?
19 Feb – 20 Mar
