Saturday, September 7, 2024
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A random street sign will give you profound philosophical insights today.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today you will discover that you have been living in a dream all along and must now wake up... but do you really want to?
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will receive a mysterious package containing a magic wand. Practice your spells wisely.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will accidentally turn your kitchen sponge into a magic carpet. Clean up with a touch of whimsy!
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You have spinach in your teeth.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You will win $100 today but lose $200. That is still a net win, so congrats! Enjoy a fancy dinner to celebrate!
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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In one week, you will be given a briefcase that contains $1,000,000 in cash. Take it!
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will be visited by a spirit from another realm.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Surprise guests will enter through your television screen, and you'll spend the next four hours explaining how it works and postmodernist architecture
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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A talking bird will visit you today. Listen to what it has to say. It might just be the fountain of youth you've been looking for.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will walk into an ancient cave, and you will feel the urge to draw a moustache on his penis
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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From meticulously wrapped presents to heartfelt handwritten notes, your gifts will be remembered and treasured for years to come.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
