Wacky Horoscopes

Today you will be alone with a very nice young lady

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

It is written in the stars that you will live until you are 92 years old.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will taste the best beer you've ever had. It will be a self-brewed one.

21 May – 20 Jun

Your favourite pair of glasses will gain sentience and will tell you that you wear them too tight

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your lucky color today is cerulean amber.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your pets will attempt to have a serious talk with you. Try not to laugh, they're sensitive about their feelings.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You will have a dream about dinosaurs tonight. Just go with it. It will be fun.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

The best thing about Switzerland is I don't have to choose either Alps or Beach.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You know that thing you've been meaning to say to your crush? Don't say it tonight, they're having a bad day.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

A full moon will appear out your kitchen window, bringing an eerie calmness to your household.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You will get an embarrassing nickname today.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

If you're an actor, now is the time to get a headshot.

19 Feb – 20 Mar