Friday, July 19, 2024
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A bear will stop your ladder climbing today.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today, your makeup will match your outfit perfectly.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Don't let road bullies push you around. Drive at a safe speed and assert yourself as necessary, big trucks don't automatically earn the right to dominate.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Your car will transform into a talking unicorn and demand to be fed glitter
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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What happens in Vegas today, stays in Vegas. Unless you tell everyone.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Beware of mischievous badgers swapping your shampoo with hot sauce.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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A twist of fate will ensure that you cross paths with a marmoset today. Let this encounter be a reminder to embrace the unpredictability of life and to approach each day with an open mind and a sense of adventure.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will discover the most beautiful rose garden ever, but will be unable to remember how you got there.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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From sarcastic comebacks to ironic one-liners, your sarcastic arsenal will be brimming with lethal jokes that cut deep and leave a lasting impression.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will spontaneously start speaking in verse today. Whether it's iambic pentameter or free verse, you'll be astonished at the beauty of your own poetry. Of course, those around you might find it a tad annoying, so try to refrain from speaking in public...
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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If you don't have anything nice to say to yourself, then don't say anything at all.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Time to update your 'list of things to do before you die' list: "wear sunscreen", "don't eat spicy foods", "drink milk", and "have a list of things to do before you die."
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
