Wacky Horoscopes

Tell a joke to a desk plant and watch it grow.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

20 Apr – 20 May

Beware of rogue garden hoses conspiring to create a water park in your backyard. Grab your swimsuit and join the fun!

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will discover a hidden talent for speaking fluent llama

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will suddenly realize that you don't need to sleep anymore.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today you will see a black panther peeking inside your house

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You'll suddenly be overcome by a witchy urge to play Dungeons & Dragons.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You're afraid of caterpillars.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You are more likely to get a hug today than a cup of coffee.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

If you play a brass instrument, now is the time to dust it off.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

The current UK Prime Minister follows you on Instagram.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

If you mimic a galloping horse in your sleep, you will have big dreams.

19 Feb – 20 Mar