Wednesday, June 19, 2024

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  You've always wanted to indulge your inner archaeologist, and today is the day! Whether you find an actual relic or just uncover a new appreciation for your backyard, you'll uncover a buried treasure.

  Aries

  21 Mar – 19 Apr

• 

  Do not fear the Receptionist, for she will give you a word of the day and help you on your way.

  Taurus

  20 Apr – 20 May

• 

  Catch a polar bear with a bloody nose climb a tree

  Gemini

  21 May – 20 Jun

• 

  Today you will learn that it's impossible to cross your legs in the same position twice in a row

  Cancer

  21 Jun – 22 Jul

• 

  Today, someone will hand you a small brown bag. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, even if you can tell it's the horse you bought for your sister last year.

  Leo

  23 Jul – 22 Aug

• 

  Today you will wonder why there are so many scrap papers interspersed amongst your things

  Virgo

  23 Aug – 22 Sep

• 

  Today, you will find yourself inexplicably drawn to a garage sale, where you'll uncover a peculiar antique teapot.

  Libra

  23 Sep – 22 Oct

• 

  Your procrastination will pay off in a big way. Someday, in the distant future, you will be awarded the Nobel Prize for having not invented anything.

  Scorpio

  23 Oct – 21 Nov

• 

  Everything you touch will turn to gold (assuming you touch non-living things).

  Sagittarius

  22 Nov – 21 Dec

• 

  Listen to the rain tapping on the roof tiles from your bedroom window

  Capricorn

  22 Dec – 19 Jan

• 

  Today you will see a black panther peeking inside your house

  Aquarius

  20 Jan – 18 Feb

• 

  A conscience is like a boat, you know you need one, but you're not sure why.

  Pisces

  19 Feb – 20 Mar