Saturday, June 8, 2024

• 

  When you were young, your bedroom was lined with posters of the Spice Girls. You will feel the urge to create a fever dream playlist of their music today.

  Aries

  21 Mar – 19 Apr

• 

  That thing you are worried about? It's probably not going to happen. But when it does, at least you'll be prepared thanks to the excessive worrying you've been doing. Congratulations on achieving the worst of both worlds!

  Taurus

  20 Apr – 20 May

• 

  You will have minor disagreements with strangers today. Just let it go.

  Gemini

  21 May – 20 Jun

• 

  Today you will dance in a library for no apparent reason

  Cancer

  21 Jun – 22 Jul

• 

  Your pets will attempt to have a serious talk with you. Try not to laugh, they're sensitive about their feelings.

  Leo

  23 Jul – 22 Aug

• 

  Today you will develop the ability to speak to inanimate objects. Your conversations will be enlightening and bizarre.

  Virgo

  23 Aug – 22 Sep

• 

  Today, you receive a hard drive containing the most raunchy movies imaginable.

  Libra

  23 Sep – 22 Oct

• 

  To get a dinosaur to smile, tickle its ears.

  Scorpio

  23 Oct – 21 Nov

• 

  Today you will have the same dream over and over

  Sagittarius

  22 Nov – 21 Dec

• 

  Make sure to stay hydrated today, especially if you're an Aquarius.

  Capricorn

  22 Dec – 19 Jan

• 

  Your toaster will mysteriously start reciting Shakespearean sonnets today.

  Aquarius

  20 Jan – 18 Feb

• 

  Today you will discover the most beautiful rose garden ever, but will be unable to remember how you got there.

  Pisces

  19 Feb – 20 Mar