Wacky Horoscopes

It's okay to be afraid of the dark. But it's not okay to let it control you.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will befriend a magical dragon who will become your loyal companion. Get ready for epic adventures!

20 Apr – 20 May

Look for your letter in the mirror.

21 May – 20 Jun

You'll discover a hidden talent for reading people's minds. It's great for interrogation purposes.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will eat an entire tub of ice cream meant for two people.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You use the word 'Definitely' a lot.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

There is always a solution, even if you have to climb a tree to get it.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

If someone asks you if you are a human, you should respond with "I'm not sure yet."

23 Oct – 21 Nov

A talking squirrel will visit you, and will grant you three wishes, but you'll have to make them before the sun sets.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You can save a life today, if you choose to.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You're currently in the middle of a 30-day waiting period for a hipster bar's loyalty card.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Sometimes you have to choose your battles. Today, the microwave is that battle.

19 Feb – 20 Mar