Wacky Horoscopes

An old colleague will message you asking for advice. Tell them what you think.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Hug a yellow Labrador

20 Apr – 20 May

If you go to sleep tonight, you'll have the best dreams of your life.

21 May – 20 Jun

You can run, but you can't hide. That is, unless you're a ghost. Then you can hide forever.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Everything you touch will turn to ice. Sorry!

23 Jul – 22 Aug

There is a meerkat watching and it will come for you

23 Aug – 22 Sep

A talking squirrel will visit you, and will grant you three wishes, but you'll have to make them before the sun sets.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Find that your crush just can't take a hint; they will invite you to a midnight wedding. SELFIE.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Don't get discouraged if your yodelling career doesn't take off. Yodelling is a difficult and dying art form, that only a few can master.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

A map will be crucial to your success today. Don't worry, you'll figure it out.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Start a band called "The 9th of July".

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Feel the speed of a light-bringer Libra

19 Feb – 20 Mar