Wacky Horoscopes

Embrace the colour mauve; it will guide you through perplexing situations with its subtle charm.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Your shoelaces will tie themselves together while you're walking.

20 Apr – 20 May

For an added bonus to your day, make sure you take a picture of yourself before leaving the house.

21 May – 20 Jun

You're doing great!

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your toaster is officially a masterpiece. It's probably a Leo.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

To all those Leo's born between August 10th and August 12th: Don't worry, your powers of charm are still intact.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will meet a girl at a festival who will convince you to hug her

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Beware of rogue garden hoses conspiring to trip you.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today you will dance in a library for no apparent reason

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You are what you eat and you have eaten only hot food, so you are hot.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Your floor is lava.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you will suddenly know everything about accurate fireworks displays

19 Feb – 20 Mar