Monday, March 25, 2024
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You will discover you are colour blind but only to gamma rays.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today you will realize you've never thought about this before
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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A professional wrestler will arrive at your house to take you to prom.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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After a long day's work, you'll find a golden moment to sit and reflect. Use this time to practice gratitude for the simple things in life, like having working limbs and access to the internet.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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For those of you who live in the countryside, do not fear. There is no need to take your vegetables inside tonight, they will not be afraid of the cold.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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A mundane task will take an inexplicable amount of time to complete. You will eventually give up and move on to something else.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You use the word 'Definitely' a lot.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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After work you will visit a country that does not exist.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You're a great hugger.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today, you will discover an unusually shaped cloud that eerily resembles your favourite childhood pet, bringing back cherished memories and a touch of nostalgia.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will wake up to discover that the world is a puddle of frothed milk with a feather floating on top. It takes some getting used to, but adapts surprisingly well
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Burn calories with firewise advice from a British earl
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
