Monday, February 26, 2024
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Remember, whatever doesn't kill you today was actually a harmless mosquito. Stay calm when others around you are losing their heads (and possibly their sanity).
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your significant Ooher will unexpectedly confess their undying love for you today. Try to contain your excitement, because they are probably just flirting.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will have a strong desire to go swimming with whales today. Don't do this, for obvious reasons. This yearning will be satisfied by taking a dip in the local pool with your swim cap adorned with whale stickers.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will discover a newfound appreciation for a genre of music you previously despised.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Take that siesta, just maybe avoid the wet dream afterward
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Nobody likes a seat hog. Whether it's a train, bus, or airplane, common courtesy dictates that you should occupy only your designated space.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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The stars predict that you will have an unexpected epiphany while doing mundane chores. Keep that sparkle in your eyes alive!
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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A bar of chocolate will cure almost all of your problems today. Except maybe lactose intolerance. Definitely avoid lactose intolerance.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You will discover a new found talent for belching the alphabet. Today is not the day to try this out on a first date.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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The position of the moon in the cosmos dictates your fate, so proceed with caution.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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The wind will powerfully whip through your hair, effectively blinding you for a moment. You'll curse the wind but appreciate the sensation.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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As you immerse yourself in the soothing sounds of a nearby waterfall, you will discover a newfound ability to communicate with plants, who will reveal their ancient wisdom and share their secrets for cultivating happiness.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar