Wacky Horoscopes

Those were not contact lenses you put in this morning; you may want to verify that with your optometrist.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today will be a great day to try something new. Maybe a new type of food, or a new hobby like limbo dancing or bog snorkeling. Teeth whitening counts too.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

You will embark on a journey to find the perfect lighting for an Instagram photoshoot, only to realize that natural light is always best.

An ordinary afternoon at the grocery store will transform into a life-changing encounter with a charismatic and enigmatic stranger who will challenge your perceptions of reality and introduce you to the world of lucid dreaming.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Avoid using the word "klutz" today. Someone will take it personally.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

That sinister-looking cactus is just longing to be taken home and loved.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Believe in fate: Trust that everything happens for a reason and embrace the opportunities that come your way.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

A cute animal will cross your path today. Hopefully this isn't a wombat, because those guys can get pretty aggressive.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You will be asked to judge a beauty contest for vegetables. Do so impartially, but use your discretionary powers to reward the most ambitious entrants.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

An unknown force will compel you to buy a stranger a cup of coffee, this act of kindness will have profound effects on your week.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

An uncanny ability to communicate with aquatic life will reveal itself, leading to an unforgettable underwater adventure with a friendly pod of dolphins.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You will have an intense dream about wrestling a jellyfish. Upon waking, you will feel a strange sense of confidence, as if you can tackle any challenge that comes your way. Use this newfound courage to face a difficult task you've been avoiding.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Sunday, February 25, 2024