Wacky Horoscopes

A misunderstanding about the proper use of an asterisk will lead to unnecessary confusion and drama. Avoid using asterisks today unless you're absolutely sure what they mean.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

A secret admirer shall reveal themselves to you in a most unexpected fashion. Should they approach you with a lyrical sonnet, rest assured it is meant for your ears only.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

From sarcastic comebacks to ironic one-liners, your sarcastic arsenal will be brimming with lethal jokes that cut deep and leave a lasting impression.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Start communicating exclusively through interpretative dance; your true feelings can only be expressed through graceful moves.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

A unexpected encounter with a squirrel will remind you of the beauty in the mundane.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Pictures of you will turn out fantastically well today.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will discover a new sensation: itchy underwear. Don't worry, this is a sign of good luck.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

A chance meeting with a renowned chef will lead to a unforgettable culinary adventure culminating in a mouth-watering meal of honey-roasted ice cream.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Embrace the colour mauve; it will guide you through perplexing situations with its subtle charm.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

From classic concoctions to innovative creations, your cocktail recipes will be the life of every party. Prepare to be revered as a mixology maestro and the honorary bartender at every gathering.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Auspiciously, a new bubble gum flavour shall reveal itself to you today. Taste not with hesitation, but with an open mind and repentless enthusiasm.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Don't be surprised if your usual takeaway order is delivered by a group of friendly bikers enjoying a scenic drive.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Thursday, February 15, 2024