Wednesday, February 14, 2024
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Today, you will be overcome with the desire to point at things. Kindly direct this urge toward objects that are not alive and certainly not other people.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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This year, you will embark on a journey to discover the ultimate cocktail. Your quest for the perfect blend of spirits, mixers, and garnish will be a pursuit of epic proportions.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Your week will involve a formidable struggle between a desire for freedom and the desire to not pay an overdraft fee. Choose wisely.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today is a good day to break out of your routine and try a new hairstyle. Shoulder-length mushroom cuts are always in style.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Your sign indicates that you are destined for great things in the world of napping. This year, you will triumph in the art of catnapping, claimingvictory over even the most elusive of sleep forms.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Your usual mode of transportation will be substituted with a thrilling rollercoaster ride today. Hold on tight and enjoy the ups and downs of life.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will spontaneously grow a third arm today. While at first, this may be a nuisance, you will come to find that it has its own unique abilities. By the end of the day, you will be able to do everything three times as fast.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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That Uber account is expensive enough without your cat's penchant for carousing.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today would be a great day to adopt a pet, especially a quadruped with exceptional olfactory abilities.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Don't buy colorful clothing, stick to navy
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Avoid papal gatherings at all costs.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will spontaneously start speaking in verse today. Whether it's iambic pentameter or free verse, you'll be astonished at the beauty of your own poetry. Of course, those around you might find it a tad annoying, so try to refrain from speaking in public...
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar