Monday, January 15, 2024
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An enemy will try to bring you down today. Don't worry, their efforts will prove futile because of your steadfast resolve and impeccable posture.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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In the realm of gift-giving, your exceptional taste and thoughtfulness will elevate you to the status of Gift-Giving Guru.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Your lucky number is 46.46, but unfortunately you'll never be able to successfully wager it in any sort of gambling endeavor.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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From skillfully squeezing every drop of time out of a deadline to creatively finding excuses for delaying tasks, your mastery of the art of procrastination will be unrivaled.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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A beloved pet will unexpectedly display an uncanny ability today, such as fetching your mail or predicting the weather. This is a sign that you are blessed with an extraordinary entourage.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will have the overwhelming urge to rearrange your books according to height, but resist this temptation. Your bookshelf will thank you for it.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Practice gratitude: Take time each day to reflect on the things you're thankful for to cultivate a positive mindset.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Your phone will operate better once you upgrade its software, but you'll stubbornly refuse.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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This year, you will discover your true calling as a procrasti-ninja. Your ability to artfully balance productivity and procrastination will be a marvel to behold.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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This year, you will find your path to enlightenment through the art of avoiding small talk. Your ability to gracefully extract yourself from superficial conversations will be a testament to your quest for deeper connections.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your cheese consumption will rise today, blame the moon
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will finally learn the truth about chicken nuggets.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar