Wacky Horoscopes

Remember to drink plenty of water today, especially if you're outdoors. Your body will thank you for it, and your brain will function at peak performance, or at least closer to peak performance than if you were dehydrated.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

It's time to unleash your inner pop star! Expect to have an impromptu karaoke session with strangers and revel in the liberating power of music.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will have the urge to howl at the moon, but remember to wag your tail afterward to show you're friendly.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

A stranger's dog will unexpectedly lick you today. Don't be alarmed; their owner will quickly apologize and wipe off the slobber. Remember, a dog's tongue is basically a built-in vacuum for germs.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

If you find yourself in a Lush store this week, resist the urge to buy a bath bomb shaped like a planet. It may look pretty, but it's not worth the mess.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You will wake up smelling like roses today. So will your coworkers, because the scent of roses permeates your entire building. It turns out, the perfume factory down the road experienced an accident and now everywhere is flourishing with fragrance.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

A chance encounter with a crab will lead to a fruitful conversation about the meaning of life and whether or not it's worth fighting about. You will not come to a definitive conclusion, but you will have a newfound appreciation for each other's perspectives.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Be cautious of overly aggressive paper clips; they might seem harmless, but they're plotting against your neatly organized documents.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

A misunderstanding about popcorn will lead to an interesting conversation. Just remember, friendship is like popcorn: it needs time to pop and the fluffy stuff on the top is always the best part.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Beware of the cheese conspiracy; they are plotting against you.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today, a reckless rebel will cross your path. Avoid making eye contact to avoid trouble.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You will be able to see memories as if they are floating in front of you today.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Wednesday, January 10, 2024