Wacky Horoscopes

What you seek is seeking you.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Ach, vitamins—you'll accidentally unwittingly run out of them

20 Apr – 20 May

Beware of rogue tomatoes conspiring to create a salsa revolution in your kitchen.

21 May – 20 Jun

You're a great hugger.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Beware of mischievous garden fairies rearranging your flower beds into intricate crop circles.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today, you'll stumble upon an unusually long line at the post office, only to discover it's a secret audition for a reality show about patience.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

There is no way to fit that square peg into that round hole.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

The first raindrop of the season will land on your nose.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

When you put your left shoe on, you will know you are ready to face the day.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Today you will be followed by a trail of glitter everywhere you go.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You can't possibly choose between stroganoff + gingerbread cake.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you will discover a hidden talent for knitting tiny sweaters for garden gnomes.

19 Feb – 20 Mar