Thursday, January 4, 2024
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A conscience is like a boat, you know you need one, but you're not sure why.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Make use of your morning commute to listen to kazoo remixes of Wagner
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Hug a yellow Labrador
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You'll pinch yourself until you feel like you're dreaming
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Have you ever dreamt of being a professional fisherman? Well, today's the day you become a boat captain!
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today it will take you 2 hours to make one cup of tea
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Your hat has a mind of its own.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Laugh tours with a jewellery store ring master
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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If it is sunny today, brexit means brexit
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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If someone asks you if you are a human, you should respond with "I'm not sure yet."
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you discover a portal to another dimension.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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It will rain mud today.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar