Wacky Horoscopes

You should do some kind of artistic expression today.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

People will judge you for drinking too much water.

20 Apr – 20 May

Sometimes, you have to fight for what you want. Today, you have to fight for a rest.

21 May – 20 Jun

I have seen the future and it is jeans.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will join a long line of people waiting to have their kale transformed into mulch.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Take a breath with a Chilean Warrior

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will yassify the building complex central generator by accident.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

For some reason, you feel an uncontrollable urge to get up and do a victory dance every few minutes.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

What happens in Vegas today, stays in Vegas. Unless you tell everyone.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Today, you will receive an inheritance of $5,000, but you will spend it all on a single lunch.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You are actually a pirate.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your toothbrush with a tiny broom. Embrace the miniature cleaning experience!

19 Feb – 20 Mar