Wacky Horoscopes

Today you will go on a first date. You will find out that your date's name is also your name.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will stare at a statue of Ben Franklin without noticing it

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will realize you don't need to charge your phone anymore.

21 May – 20 Jun

All your food will today start to taste like chocolate

21 Jun – 22 Jul

The best thing about Switzerland is I don't have to choose either Alps or Beach.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You will win a big prize at some point in your life, but unfortunately it won't happen today.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Workshop cell reprogramming with a roguish Gemini

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Embrace the joy of finding a hidden stash of bubble wrap that brings instant stress relief and oddly satisfying popping sounds.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today you will find you can breathe underwater. Don't try this at home.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

A series of coincidences will lead you to a street corner where a troupe of tap-dancing pigeons awaits your applause.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Play make-believe in a library with a Virgo

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You'll realize that you can better someone you know at draughts... hours later when you regain consciousness

19 Feb – 20 Mar