Wacky Horoscopes

There is no point in trying to keep up with the Jones's, they are so far ahead of you and are cheating.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You have a long road ahead of you. Thankfully, you have some very tiny feet.

20 Apr – 20 May

Watch out for baby goats in trees today.

21 May – 20 Jun

You'll find something shiny today, make sure you keep it!

21 Jun – 22 Jul

An old colleague will message you asking for advice. Tell them what you think.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

A friendly dog will have an adventure with you today.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will realize the label shaped' doesn't exist, and that you've been mislabeling ovals as oblongs for all your adult life

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You will receive some lemons today, and you will make a delicious lemon pie with them.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You'll be swept away by a mysterious tide of human emotion and will fall into a trance.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Beware of mischievous fairies stealing your left socks and replacing them with right ones.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will finally conquer a terrifying fear of elevators

20 Jan – 18 Feb

If you can read this, you are too close to the television.

19 Feb – 20 Mar