Monday, December 18, 2023
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You will meet your soulmate today, and they will be covered in hair.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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For an added bonus to your day, make sure you take a picture of yourself before leaving the house.
20 Apr – 20 May
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A new career as a DJ may be in the cards for you, but only if you're ready to make the leap.
21 May – 20 Jun
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If a new console drops today, you're in for a treat.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today you'll stumble throughout an abandoned house, but will find absolutely nothing.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You have a finite number of farts in your lifetime. Use them wisely.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will realize to your horror that you're under the influence of a psychotic kitchen utensil
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You'll suddenly find yourself in possession of a pharaoh statue and will be stunned at the revelation of your ancient umber power.
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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That potato salad is the best thing you've ever eaten, no questions asked.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will meet an annoying person today. Give them coffee and a set square and they'll go away
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will wake up to discover that the world is a puddle of frothed milk with a feather floating on top. It takes some getting used to, but adapts surprisingly well
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you will understand the meaning of life, and suddenly all problems will be solved
19 Feb – 20 Mar
