Saturday, December 9, 2023
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People will notice your new haircut.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your refrigerator will develop the ability to spontaneously generate ice cream.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Time to update your 'list of things to do before you die' list: "wear sunscreen", "don't eat spicy foods", "drink milk", and "have a list of things to do before you die."
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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A group of fireflies will light up your path during an evening stroll. Embrace the enchanting glow.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Your car keys will develop the ability to teleport, leading to an exciting treasure hunt throughout your home.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will be alone with a very nice young lady
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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First you find out that you've developed drinking water from thin air. Then you realize that it tastes like sour cream and onion Pringles.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will suddenly realize you can't eat sugar anymore
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You will be reincarnated as a butterfly.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Be open to the possibility of receiving a cryptic message from a fortune cookie that holds the secret to your future success in knitting sweaters.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your email account has been hacked. The hacker is very sorry and has returned all of your emails. They are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Celebrate with a Cancer
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
