Wednesday, November 22, 2023
-
A group of regulators are going to come after you with a highly specialized scalpel, because they think you're dreaming too loud.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
-
Today you'll try to dye your hair green, but it'll come out purple.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
-
If you've ever wanted to go on a beach vacation, now is the time to start packing!
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
-
You can run, but you can't hide. That is, unless you're a ghost. Then you can hide forever.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
-
Today you will realize your doctor is a thief
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
-
A groundhog in the distance will think you look like a tree, do not let this bother you.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
-
During the night you will hear voices and will wonder if they're coming from the walls
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
-
Today you'll discover that you can breathe underwater. Your next dive will be epic.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
-
There's a 50% chance your middle name is James.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
-
You'll suddenly be overcome by a witchy urge to play Dungeons & Dragons.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
-
Today you will befriend a magical dragon who will become your loyal companion. Get ready for epic adventures!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
-
Talk yourself into remembering your thirty-third birthday by eating passion fruit
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar