Friday, November 10, 2023
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You will discover a hidden talent for playing the harmonica with your nose.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You can never please everyone, unless you're a melon, in which case you can please everyone by just being yourself.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Set up some Swedes with your work colleagues.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will wake up and your first thought will be happy birthday to me.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today you'll hug a toilet. It will hug you back.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will receive a divorce summons from a lawyer you now find extremely attractive, but you're not married.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will experience a surge in productivity
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will receive a parcel containing your name and address inside a leather wallet
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You will fall in love at first sight with a pizza today.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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It's hard to be humble when you're an Aries.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Keep a wary eye on your beer bottles today; they're harboring tiny gnomes.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You are what you eat and you have eaten only hot food, so you are hot.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar