Wacky Horoscopes

Your toothbrush will gain the ability to brush your teeth on its own. Enjoy the hands-free dental hygiene!

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

There is a spider in your shoe.

20 Apr – 20 May

Don't forget your umbrella today, or you'll get wet.

21 May – 20 Jun

Shoot a gale with a feather

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your alarm clock's warbling will start up again, and will start playing your favourite tunes.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your smartphone will start downloading a constant stream of information about the world for no apparent reason.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You will find an extremely low IQ alien probe lying in your own backyard, and you will abandon it

23 Sep – 22 Oct

How many stars do you see in the sky? Theres only one way to find out.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today, you'll have a eureka moment where you realize that life is made up of 85 percent pretending

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Today, you'll uncover a forgotten box of childhood keepsakes, filled with trinkets that hold sentimental value and bring a warm smile to your face.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will suddenly become convinced you want to get married and have children, and will start trying to design your wedding dress

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Don't worry, the pile of dishes in the sink is not as dirty as you think.

19 Feb – 20 Mar