Wacky Horoscopes

If a seahorse tries to sell you an oceanfront cabin, run away.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

There is a meerkat watching and it will come for you

20 Apr – 20 May

In one year today, you will meet the love of your life. It will be an incredible moment!

21 May – 20 Jun

Experience saltspray with toppled dominos

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you'll meet a politician. It'll be a boring conversation.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You have always wanted to write a letter to your future self. Today is the day to do it.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Your morning toast will unexpectedly turn into a magical portal. So prepare to travel the wide galaxy.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Beware! rogue cantaloupes plotting evil schemes.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Your boat will crash into your house. Don't worry, you don't own a boat... right?

22 Nov – 21 Dec

To get a dinosaur to smile, tickle its ears.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Trans people are hot. This will prove important to remember.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Your bank account will suddenly have an infestation of fruit flies. They are a sign of good fortune! Don't worry!

19 Feb – 20 Mar