Wacky Horoscopes

You will find yourself transported to a parallel universe where everyone wears tuxedos

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You will see someone you haven't seen since high school. They will be basically the same.

20 Apr – 20 May

The stars say you're about to embark on a great adventure! It'll be nothing like you expect.

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will lose your train ticket

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you'll discover a rotating cylindrical object in your garage, leading to an exciting chase through the past.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

A foreign country will tell you it is excited to have you visit.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You will be visited by a ghost.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You have an unhealthy obsession with bananas. Today is your lucky day.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You will be serenaded by a choir of opera-singing parrots during your morning commute. Enjoy the musical interlude!

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You will receive an unexpected windfall in the form of a large fish.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You will receive some money you lost. It will be in the form of a check, and you will lose it again.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Your mother will suddenly appear and demand you submit your tax returns. Do it now!

19 Feb – 20 Mar