Monday, October 16, 2023
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A pipe will burst in your home and you will be covered in icy slush.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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A professional wrestler will arrive at your house to take you to prom.
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will receive a mysterious package containing a talking cactus.
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you should take a road trip.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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If you drink alcohol today you will hear voices coming from every wall
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You can't resist clicking on Clickbait.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Try to eat a breakfast made entirely of candy today.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will exercise your newfound powers to summon a glitter tornado
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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In Japan, you're a god. In Mexico, you're a god. In Canada, you're also a god.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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If you're an actor, now is the time to get a headshot.
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your weekend's worth of planning has worked out, and you're going to have a great weekend! ...Just as soon as you've gotten over this weekend.
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you will suddenly find yourself transported into a strange alternate universe full of magic and wonders, but without any of the usual nonsense of everyday life
19 Feb – 20 Mar
