Wacky Horoscopes

You will be visited by a celebrity chef who will share tropical recipes and culinary secrets with you.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Beware of mischievous socks that have learned to walk on their own. They may try to escape your drawer.

20 Apr – 20 May

You are never alone when you have a good friend. Unless you're an introvert, in which case you're never alone when you don't have a good friend also.

21 May – 20 Jun

Beware of the cheese conspiracy; they are plotting against you.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will find 210 euros on the sidewalk and will ask cleaning lady if she wants it. She'll say no, but you'll keep it anyway

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You and I will both receive a text from a rabbit asking for your help.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You like ketchup more than you like people.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Tell a joke to a desk plant and watch it grow.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Enjoy some art, whatever form it takes. Only a firsthand experience can make it real.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You will lose something, but it won't be important.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will be rehomed to an island. It is said you will not miss the mainland at all.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Beware of rogue tomatoes conspiring to create a salsa revolution in your kitchen.

19 Feb – 20 Mar