Wacky Horoscopes

Your favourite mug will gain the ability to predict the future through the patterns in your coffee. It's time for some divination!

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You'll be visited by a squad of marshmallow soldiers intent on kidnapping your baby. Lt. Colonel Marshmallow needs your help.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will play with a cat, and it will play back with you

21 May – 20 Jun

5000 glares from a social Goose are inevitable.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will find a secret underground society of synchronized sneezers. Join in their harmonious symphony.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You'll discover you've been accidentally borrowing the souls of your worst enemies, but it's okay because they're the worst.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Trans people are hot. This will prove important to remember.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You have an outhouse in your backyard.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

For some reason, you feel an uncontrollable urge to get up and do a victory dance every few minutes.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your toaster will start producing perfectly toasted images of famous paintings.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Stop being so negative. There's at least one thing you can be positive about: your awesome and unique personality!

20 Jan – 18 Feb

There are other ways to tell if a Leo is lying. They're really, really bad at hiding it. If you can't figure it out, they're telling the truth.

19 Feb – 20 Mar