Wacky Horoscopes

An old colleague will message you asking for advice. Tell them what you think.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your toothpaste with mayonnaise.

20 Apr – 20 May

Your cat will whisper offensive language in your ear.

21 May – 20 Jun

Your car keys will develop the ability to teleport, leading to an exciting treasure hunt throughout your home.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you'll try to dye your hair green, but it'll come out purple.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your company will today shut down for fifteen hours, requiring you to have fun

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will discover you have a hidden talent for hypnotism. Prepare to mesmerize your whole neighborhood!

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Did you forget your glasses today? You'll be surprised how many different types of dogs you see without them.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

If you've ever wanted to go on a beach vacation, now is the time to start packing!

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You will receive a message from a friendly alien civilization via a dream.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Your alarm clock plays a tune every morning, but the melody is the exact opposite of the one it played yesterday.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you will discover that you can double your speed by rubbing your belly

19 Feb – 20 Mar