Wacky Horoscopes

The ghost of a murderer will visit you today.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You have a secret admirer. Try to determine their identity by examining your burritos.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will discover a hidden talent for juggling rubber ducks.

21 May – 20 Jun

To all those Leo's born between August 10th and August 12th: Don't worry, your powers of charm are still intact.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will accidentally turn your shower into a portal to a tropical island. Enjoy the impromptu vacation!

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Wake up, and enjoy your new daydream

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Your neighbor's cat will teach you a secret cat language.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

A conscience is like a boat, you know you need one, but you're not sure why.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

The first snow of the year is coming early this year. Make sure you're ready!

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your toothbrush with a tiny broom. Embrace the miniature cleaning experience!

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you operate an alarm clock that can literally straight up kill you if you don't get up within the hour

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Have a Skype session with an octopus

19 Feb – 20 Mar