Wacky Horoscopes

You're a collector of rare salts.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

A flock of seagulls will serenade you with a rendition of your favourite song. Prepare to be amazed.

20 Apr – 20 May

You can't possibly choose between stroganoff + gingerbread cake.

21 May – 20 Jun

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless you're a goat, in which case the grass is always greener on your side. Goats rock.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will win a big prize at some point in your life, but unfortunately it won't happen today.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Giraffes look dorky but they're actually very dangerous. Keep your distance

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You still sleep with your teddy bear.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You will come across a treacherous traitorous plot to begin world war three

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today you will wonder why there are so many scrap papers interspersed amongst your things

22 Nov – 21 Dec

A talking squirrel will visit you, and will grant you three wishes, but you'll have to make them before the sun sets.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Your alarm clock will start playing catchy tunes in the morning, transforming waking up into a dance party.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Your favourite pair of socks will mysteriously start playing your favourite song whenever you put them on.

19 Feb – 20 Mar