Wacky Horoscopes

A series of coincidences will lead you to a street corner where a troupe of tap-dancing pigeons awaits your applause.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Make sure you take the scenic route today, the earth needs more beauty in it.

20 Apr – 20 May

Your teeth will feel particularly clean today.

21 May – 20 Jun

You will receive some lemons today, and you will make a delicious lemon pie with them.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will accidentally unlock a portal to a magical realm inside your pantry. Watch out for flying spaghetti monsters.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

At some point today, you will smell cheese. Don't worry, it's normal.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

People will judge you for drinking too much water.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Your shoelaces will tie themselves together while you're walking.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Never play a trick on a plant. It's mean and plants are friends.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

If you get your ear pierced today, you will find true love as a result.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You'll realize that you can better someone you know at draughts... hours later when you regain consciousness

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You'll be swept away by a mysterious tide of human emotion and will fall into a trance.

19 Feb – 20 Mar