Wacky Horoscopes

A random street sign will give you profound philosophical insights today.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will discover a hidden talent for speaking fluent llama

20 Apr – 20 May

It's hard to find balance in life. That's why it's important to have an onion nearby.

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will try and pray to God, and will receive no answer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your pets will attempt to have a serious talk with you. Try not to laugh, they're sensitive about their feelings.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Nope nope nope.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will be followed by a trail of glitter everywhere you go.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

A full moon will appear out your kitchen window, bringing an eerie calmness to your household.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You will discover a hidden talent for speaking fluent penguin. Prepare for conversations with your tuxedo-wearing friends!

22 Nov – 21 Dec

At 7pm GMT you will be stuck in traffic due to a moose on the road

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will notice that you can grow plants simply by thinking about themselves

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Hug a yellow Labrador

19 Feb – 20 Mar