Wacky Horoscopes

Today you will run through your neighbourhood and count how many Fireballs you encounter

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will experience a disturbing lack of sense of urgency upon hearing the breaking news of last year's probably nonexistent nuclear war.

20 Apr – 20 May

Sometimes you have to choose your battles. Today, the battle is your own bad jokes.

21 May – 20 Jun

Your hair will stand up today.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will receive a letter that you have been waiting for. It will be written in a language you can't understand.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

The best way to predict the future is to invent it. Unless you're a seer, in which case it's better to just go to the crystal ball store.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

There is a bear in your closet. But do not worry, because he is a friendly bear.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

A sudden gust of wind will scatter all your sticky notes around the room. It'll be surprisingly inspiring.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

You will discover a secret portal to a parallel universe behind your refrigerator.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Today you will lose your train ticket

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Set up some Swedes with your work colleagues.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

A bird will fall out of the sky and onto your head. It will be strangely satisfying.

19 Feb – 20 Mar