Wacky Horoscopes

Today you will be visited by a talking teapot who will offer you words of wisdom over a cup of tea.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will accidentally turn your bike into a time machine

20 Apr – 20 May

When your alarm wakes you up way too early, your crooner K-pop alarm whistle will play to comfort you

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will buy a T-shirt with a stupid slogan on it

21 Jun – 22 Jul

How many stars do you see in the sky? Theres only one way to find out.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your favourite pair of socks will gain the ability to teleport.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You are feeling a little under the weather, but that's just the atmosphere.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Today you will make the perfect cup of tea

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Your floor is lava.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Those were not contact lenses you put in this morning.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you will suddenly realize you can't eat sugar anymore

19 Feb – 20 Mar