Saturday, August 19, 2023
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Tomorrow morning you will find yourself unexpectedly in a spaceship
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You will find a lost treasure map hidden inside a bag of crisps. Embark on a salty adventure!
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today is a good day to get a speeding ticket.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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The best thing about Switzerland is I don't have to choose either Alps or Beach.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Talk yourself into remembering your thirty-third birthday by eating passion fruit
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Beware of mischievous garden flamingos stealing your socks and leaving behind sandals made of licorice.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today, you will stumble upon a forgotten journal from your childhood, filled with strangely accurate predictions about your current Netflix binge-watching choices.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Prepare to witness a synchronized dance routine performed by a group of synchronized shopping carts at the supermarket.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today you will forget something you cannot forget because you forgot to use the words not, don't, forget, couldn't, or never
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Your favourite pair of glasses will gain sentience and will tell you that you wear them too tight
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will meet an annoying person today. Give them coffee and a set square and they'll go away
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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The birds are chirping, go outside and listen for a while.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar